Lightning flashed and thunder roared. Rain poured out angrily onto the wide plains of the earth. Winds pounded and whirled on the mountains and the hills. The cold of the weather and the heat of the ground met to form thick mists that blanketed the world - her world.
At the base of a colossal mountain, in front of the slightly beaten road, a young girl stood tall. Furious gales swept her white velvet cloak, making it billow restlessly behind her. Long black hair that reached to her knees lashed wildly around her face as she soaked in the rain. A golden crescent moon sigil glowed dimly atop her perfectly arched brows. Her hazel eyes which blazed in fury and determination was a stark contrast to her pale and frigid skin. Drops of rain sparkled on her high cheekbones and small nose. A resigned sigh escaped her frozen cerise lips.
More lightning. More thunder.
She looked up, startled. She lifted her pale arms to hug herself, trying to draw out the cold which enveloped her small frame. Her glove-encased hands unconsciously reached out and fiddled with a rose shaped diamond pendant on a thin silver chain around her neck.
Rain fell harder. The winds picked up.
She pulled up the skirts of her white sleeveless silk gown and ran - up, up, up the narrow pathway that hugged the mountain; up, up, up until she reached the top; up, up, up onto the beautiful rose garden and into the gazebo that crowned the land's vast peak. there she stopped... and crumpled to a heap on the floor.
She cried; cried out the loneliness within her; cried out the anguish and the pain; cried out her anger and hatred to the uncaring winds. She cried for the little girl she once was and for the young woman she grew up to be. She cried for the lost time and opportunities, and for her youth which was slowly slipping away from her grasp.
A gentle tap on my shoulder made me look up. My eyes fell upon a tall fair woman with long silver hair flowing to her feet. She was awashed with shrouded moonlight - from her sleeveless snow-white silk gown which clung to her waist and pooled around her as she knelt beside me; to the golden sash that ran across her chest from her shoulder to her hip. The sash held a jeweled golden scabbard engraved with golden filigree, matching the engravings on the hilt of the warrior's sword that it protected. Below the golden tiara resting on top of her glorious silver hair, a golden crescent moon symbol on her forehead glowed as brightly as her deep brown eyes; brown eyes which mirrored my own. I backed away, scared. She remained kneeling where she was, smiling kindly at me. I gaped at her, my skin prickling all over as my mind finally placed the face of the woman in front of me. Realization hit me. This woman, who was holding herself so regally in front of me, was...
I got this from my old A Purpose Driven Life Journal. I wrote it four years ago when I was just starting out in college. I really liked what I wrote back then so i decided to put it up here. Enjoy:
I feel very thankful for the benevolence of the Lord, my God. I feel blessed that we are given many chances to fail, to change, and to redeem ourselves in His eyes. One day, hopefully sometime near, I will no longer be bound by people's expectations of me; no longer shackled by my need to succeed; no longer tormented by the desperation to get by day in and day out. One day, by God's will, I will shine like a bright angel, glorious because of His light, doing as He commands... And use me for the purpose of which He intended my being here. Lo! Behold! What a radiant servant I shall become... And then with God's eyes of pride upon me, I will live! And live for Him alone!
everytime i change my "about me" on friendster, i post it here to archive it. :D
1) ako si micz. di ko alam ang last name ko. at di pa ko sure kung ano talaga pangalan ko. kaya pahirapan sa PRC. BADTRIP.
2) kasi nga nursing student ako. april 4, 2009 po ako gagraduate. to all my friends: okay lang kahit after board exams na yung gifts nyo, basta meron! (^_^) thanks po in advance! :D
3) "xei, san si micz?" yan ang laging tanong sakin ng tropa ko! di ako si xei! xa ang baby sis ko at bestfriend ko. oo, inaamin ko super magkaiba kami sa maraming bagay but she's the one person that keeps me together. i love her kahit anong mangyari. you have a problem with her? let's take it outside. gets?
4) goal ko ngayon: to top the june 2009 board exams. alam ko malayong mangyari yun. pero hindi masamang mangarap. i know it's going to be hard as hell & i'm probably going to need the people i love to fight for me just so i'll keep at it but i will try my hardest. last shot ko to. please pray for me. i still want to be an architect, an archer, & a barista but right now, i need this for my mom.
5) i miss my bestfriends: mark, jeff, oxo, honey, & lalo na si eve. super talaga si eve. pero tulad nga ng sabi sa bahay: BEGIN.GROW.FLOW. BEGIN: We begin each day with a chance to make a difference or affect change. The phone calls we always take, that's the relationship we're in. You don't have to explain. Our actions speak louder than words. GROW: Everyone grows. Up, on, out... no matter which direction, there is always growth. We have to give each other the time, the space, & the chance to do so. If we hinder their progress, then we'll be depriving that person from what may be the opportunity of a lifetime. FLOW: Just go with it. The only constant thing aside from time is change. These two go hand in hand. Friends let each other grow & are fine with it because they understand that though the river may branch out in different directions, in the end, all those streams will still meet & join the ocean. We learn to go with the flow & ride it out. We also have to enjoy every second of it. Live life with no regrets.
6) i'm thankful for the people who are always looking out for me: mom, dad, chat, mhai, elie, jasmin, milcha, kuya buye, kuya hans, ping, ate ayna, & ate tin. it's different when they check in... because even though they're so busy with their own lives, they always try to make their presence known in mine. thanks po super! i love you guys!
7) to the "Little Women" (dapat ata seven dwarves; joke!) ng buhay ko: ate abie, ate lyn, ate dets, ate tanya, ate casey, ate kat, & ate pat, i love you girls! mga guardian angels ko. they're always there for me. mga ate ko sila & it's something new to me. marami kasi akong kuya sa buhay ko, pero bilang panganay sa buong angkan, di ko talaga naexperience yung magkaroon ng ate. i'm blessed to have them as my sisters! yey! :D
8) God is always showing me miracles. He provides for me & amazes me every single time. Marami akong di naiintindihan in my life pero alam ko, in His time, i will understand. Promise Nya yun. & i believe Him.
9) He has provided me with a loving family outside my own: ate jo, ate khae, ate mavic, ate shey, ate mards, louie, dan, jp, pat, jay, kuya henry, at tay alex... at si pao! hahaha! ephesians 6:1 love you pao! hahahaha! :D namimiss ko na sila... pinauuwi na ko ng mga kapatid ko! tagal ko na daw di bumabalik sa bahay! hehehehe...
10) thesis kasi; busy-busyhan kasi sa requirements. pero gagraduate pa rin! hahahaha! nga lang, wala nang social life si ate... patay na bata!
11) "how did you get through the last days of college?" my answer: "LOTS OF COFEE & ALCOHOL!" uuu! yan ang sinabi ko! i've gotten into the drinking thing na. =[ oo... di umabot si nene sa graduation: drinking, bar, club... tapos na ko jan! next stop: cigarrettes, drugs, & premarital sex! joke! hahaha... pero alam ko na limits ko... drinking has lost its magic. so i'm done with it. sober na si ate. PROMISE.
12) i try to live life a little bit more each day. oo, mejo nagwala ako nung jan-march & i've changed a hell of a whole lot pero i'm learning to do things in moderation. admittedly, identity versus role confusion na ko. who would've thought it'd catch up with me. i thought i've established who i am na... apparently, i'm still learning.
13) i still read and write. my favorite sites are postsecret and grey matter (grey's anatomy writers blog). i'm still reading the bible and i write on my journal planner. those constants keep me grounded in this topsy-turvey world.
14) i don't know the difference between love and obsession. i'd like to think that i do, cuz it would help me sleep better at night but i don't. in time, i suppose i'll learn... scary noh? but i'm trying to understand naman eh. fortunately for my zahir, i don't act on my feelings.
15) i'd like to die while i'm alive... and not when i've been dead a long time. if you don't understand what i mean, read paolo coelho's books. you'll get it when you do. i promise.
"Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up a whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life... You give them a piece of you. They didn't ask for it. They did something dumb one day, like kiss you or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so simple a phrase like 'maybe we should be just friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. Nothing should be able to do that. Especially not love. I hate love." - The character "Rose Walker" in The Sandman #65 by Neil Gaiman
Absence diminishes little passions and increases great ones, as the wind extinguishes candles and fans a fire. [Fr., L'absence diminue les mediocres passions et augmente les grandes, comme le vent eteint les bougies et allume le feu.] - Francois Duc dela Rochefoucauld
“Until one morning, I’ll wake up and find I’m thinking about something else, and then I’ll know the worst is over. My heart might be bruised, but it will recover and become capable of seeing the beauty of life once more. It happened before, it will happen again, I’m sure. When someone leaves, it’s because someone is about to arrive–I’ll find love again.” - Paolo Coelho, The Zahir
Because as of now, I can't string together a coherent post about how I feel for a guy who smiled at me after one of the lowest points in my life. And then he left. Just like that. FUCK IT!
The catch:
Before we set our hearts too much upon anything, let us examine how happy those are who already possess it. - Francois Duc de La Rochefoucauld
Message: GOOD MORNING [insert name here]! This is our second partner conversation. Our flavor of the week is relationships--OF ALL KINDS. Wanna try it out? You must answer all the questions honestly. If you can't, go find another survey. You ready? Start now. . . . ------------------------- 1. Family first. Who do you love most among them? ♥ my mom. . 2. Why? ♥ she's my mother! . 3. Is the person you love most within your family the same person you can tell EVERYTHING to? Why? ♥ unfortunately not. because she won't understand *emo?!*. . 4. Does your family know everything there is to know about you? ♥ no... =( . 5. Really? ♥ believe me. . 6. What is the best thing anyone from your family has ever done for you? ♥ i can't remember right now. . 7. What is the worst? ♥ hmmm... bitter-bitteran? . 8. Does it affect your present relationship with them now? ♥ I think so... . 9. Is there anything you'd like to tell them now? ♥ I'm pregnant; KIDDING! joke! get it?! hahahaha! . 10. If you have one regret regarding anyone in your family, what is it? ♥ that they don't know me that well anymore... . 11. Can anything be done about it? ♥ i don't know. . . [Are you still ok after all that talk? Let's move on to friends.] . . 12. Name a best friend outside your immediate family. Are you your bestfriend's best friend? Or is the feeling one sided? ♥ ate abie... i think it's one sided. i'm not grown up enough to be her best-friend... BATA. hehe... (^_^,) . 13. Recall an ex best friend. Who is she/he? How did you fall out? ♥ Ummm... ***. we just sort of became different people. . 14. Is your relationship with number 13 still fixable? Would you like to fix it? Or is it better this way? ♥ I honestly don't know. . 15. Who is that someone you'd like to develop a deeper friendship with? ♥ 5114 . 16. Are you sure you just want a FRIENDSHIP with your answer in number 15? Be honest. ♥ for the first time in my life, I can honestly say YES. friend lang po talaga; kuya type of person. . 17. What if he/she fell in love with you? What would you do? ♥ hahaha! di ah! faithful kami pareho! . 18. Are you HONESTLY happy with all your relationships (family, friends, significant others)? ♥ not really... =( . . [We're almost through... Are you still with me? You know what's coming next right?] . . 19. Who can make you happier? ♥ 5367 . 20. Aside from family members, who is the one person you'd want to check on you day in and day out without making you feel uncomfortable? ♥ same answer with number 19. . 21. Describe your present relationship with your answer in number 20. Are you satisfied with it? ♥ friends ata kami... I think... or not. Syempre di ako satisfied with it... =( haha! HONEST talaga noh? di naman kasi nya mababasa eh! hahahaha!(^_^) . 22. Are you your significant other's significant other? ♥ of course not. he's happily in a relationship. (-_-') . 23. Are you sure with your answer in number 22? Would you like to change anything about it? ♥ yes i'm sure with my answer in number 22. I'm okay with this. I can't give him what he wants anyway... =|. . 24. Name one person you are acquainted with but do not presently have any kind of relationship with. ♥ sandro. . 25. If you could spend one entire day with him/her, would you? ♥ oo naman. . 26. Would you be happy after that day ends? Would you want another day like it? ♥ I'd like to think that I'd be happy... and if all goes well, syempre I'd want a repeat. . 27. Out of all your acquaintances, why did you choose your answer to number 24? ♥ because he's cute and sweet and I haven't seen him since the day we met. =P . . . ------------------------- You seem exhausted so I'm ending our partner conversation at number 27. I'm giving you a complimentary tall handcrafted beverage of your choice. [hands you your drink] We'll follow up next time ok? Thanks for the talk. Visit us again! Have a nice day!
Date: Tuesday, 17 March, 2009 10:30 AM Subject: partner conversation
Message: GOOD MORNING [insert name here]! This is our partner conversation. SIT DOWN. let's talk. SERYOSOHANG USAPAN TOH. GO. . . . ------------------------- 1. Bakit gising ka pa? > kasi po, umaga na... (^_^) . 2. What can i get for you today? > grande white mocha apple berry juice freeze and a chicken turkey gruyere sandwich please . 3. For here? Or to go? > for here po. . 4. Kamusta ka na? > okay lang. I think... . 5. Anong pinag-bubusyhan mo ngayon (maliban sa survey na toh)? > thesis po. . 6. Ano ang worries mo right now? > wow... marami po.. but frontrunner yung graduation. scary! . 7. What can i do to make it better for you? > um... pagawa po ng case study then kung pede po, ask her to let him go na so i can have him! WOW! may ganun? joke! case study and thesis nalang po! . 8. How was your last weekend? > OMG! so fun! XD actually, so messed up! can't talk about it! hahahahahaha! . 9. Did you meet anyone new? > hahahaha! Mother father!!!! joke... yes! NOT fun! . 10. Nasaan ang mga friends mo? Bakit hindi kayo magkakasama? > sa mga bahay nila... kasi di kami share ng house! . 11. Who do you miss? Why? > ummm.... because. . 12. Meron ka bang taong hinahanap ngayon? > opo... . 13. Sino sya? At bakit mo sya hinahanap? > ***. KASI po miss ko na sya. . 14. Who is the eighth most important person in your life? Why? > WOW! pag-iisipin mo pa ko?! wow! answer to question number 12 po. cuz i love him. ATA! . 15. Are you a good person? > i used to be... =( . 16. Is abortion acceptable? Yes or no. No explanations. > Yes . 17. What are your plans for this coming weekend? > pumarty after matapos ang mga requirements! (^_^) . 18. Are you happy? > relatively . 19. Have you changed at all in anyway from the person you were exactly one year ago? > hahahahaha! yes. i don't even know who i am anymore. identity versus role confusion? who would've thought it'd catch up with me... kala ko nalampasan ko na yan! WTF?! . 20. What is your most significant life changing experience since the beginning of 2009? > feb 26, 2009... cuz that's when I started... and i haven't stopped since then. Hi! I'm micz... tanggera in the making. (-_-') . 21. Does it trump that of 2008? > hell yeah! . 22. Who are your best friends? > the ones who know everything there is to know about me; those who love me and accept me wholeheartedly without judging me. *emotera?!* . 23. How are they now? > pagod, tulog, magkakasakit... working... medicating... drinking... okay lang sila.. . 24. What is your biggest regret of 2009? > that i wasn't strong enough, tough enough, brave enough, reckless enough, in love enough to fight for him... . 25. If you could change your #24, would you? Or would you just take it as a learning opportunity? > i would change it... but i can't... so i guess that leaves me with a learning opportunity or a moral lesson: don't ask God, to make your evil schemes come true! wow ang resback ni Lord! (-_-,) . 26. Are you disappointed with anyone? > yes. . 27. How can he/she make it up to you? > let's talk... usap kami. . 28. I never thought that I'd fall in love, love, love, love / But it grew from a simple crush, crush, crush, crush... > so true... funny how it seems... always in time, but never in line for dreams... hahahaha! . 29. Does number 28 hold true to you? Within context? Or out of context? > hahahaha! it does! surprisingly! :D out of context! nadali mo! :D . 30. What do you plan to do about it? > Cuz if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me / And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I can be / Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet / And you'd see me waiting for you on the corner of the street. [dito lang ako... seryoso. i'm not moving. CATHARTIC much?! hahahaha!] . . . ------------------------- Here's your order. Don't forget your change. Thanks for your time. Visit us again! Have a nice day!
